Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a man who likes meat. Interpret that as you will, but regardless of any potential double entendres, I have a particular passion for meat of the breakfast variety. Really, I just like breakfast in general. Fuck a bowl of cereal–if you have the energy to wake your lazy ass out of bed, you may as well stop dicking around in the baby shit and go balls out. So here is a recent favorite of mine that’s easy, fun and meaty enough to clog a bison’s ass arteries: Bradly’s Badass Manly Three-Meat Motherfucking Omelet.
Ingredients I recommend:
- 3 Jimmy Dean’s Heat’n’Serve Sausage Links
- 12 Slices of Hormel’s Original Pepperoni
- 1/2 lb. of Farmland Applewood Smoked Bacon (17 slices in my case)
- 4 Eggs
- 1/2 of a jalapeno
- 1/3 cup of shredded sharp cheddar cheese
- 1/4 cup On the Border HOT Salsa
Okay cool so fucking finally. If you’ve ever made an omelet before you pretty much know the drill from here. If you HAVEN’T, allow me to enlighten you.
I microwave the frozen sausage for about 30 seconds to speed up thawing, then set my stove top to 7 to brown the sausage quickly. While this is going on, I dice up the pepperoni slices and the jalapeno into my desired fucking sizes and portion out the cheese and salsa. I normally don’t fuck with portioning but I decided to this time for the sake of SHARING WITH YOU GREEDY PIGS. Adjust the portions to your liking I DON’T EVEN CARE.
Set the sausage aside once it’s how you want it, then cook the bacon as crispy or floppy as you crave. Veteran bacon cookers know this is the most painful part because it takes so long and it’s so hard to resist eating as you go. I set the stove down to 4 or 5 for the bacon. While this is going on, I crack my eggs in a red fucking solo cup and stir that shit. Also, I prepare another pan by heating up a different coil to 2 or 3 for the omelet and cut up my sausage. Once the bacon is done, get going on that egg.
Crisco that bitch or use butter or bacon grease. I used a clean pan with Crisco for ease of omelet cooking, but use what you like. I cooked the omelet on low (again around 2 or 3) for about 8-10 minutes. During this time you might want to crumble the bacon a little bit so you don’t have to let all the shit get cold afterward. I also rinsed off the bacon pan and set it on top as a heat conducting lid to the omelet pan for more even cooking. I put Crisco on the other pan and flipped it that way about 1/2 or 2/3 of the way through. If you’re a pro omelet flipper and can use one pan then BY ALL FUCKING MEANS DO IT. GODDAMMIT FUCKING CHRIST I DON’T CARE
SO AFTER THAT. Drop that nasty bitch on the plate and pile up your innards. Fold it. Enjoy your heart attack. I know I did! 🙂